"If a school is comprised of 9 classes and each class has 65 pupils in it, how many pupils are there in the school?"
"How did you get that answer?"
"Well you times 65 by 9 because there are 9 classes. Then you double the number."
"Why did you double it?"
*exacerbated* "Because we all have 2 pupils" (pointing to their eyes) "duh!"
'Fashion on the Field' - today the teachers donned fascinators.
"Miss M Halloween was yesterday. You should have taken your costume off by now."
"This year marks 400 years since William Shakespeare died. An English poet, playwright and actor that is regarded as the greatest writer in the English language."
"So Miss M...would you say that Taylor Swift is like our William Shakespeare because she has written stuff that people will be talking about in 400 years?"
A proud moment. I have clearly educated my students about the most important figures of our lifetime.
"Miss M I think I owe you an apology. I went to get some sticky tape from your desk at lunch and accidentally spilt water on the papers on your desk. Everything is reddy pink now. Is that normal?"
"Miss M I know you told us not to play with iPads during inside play but I did and I dropped it. The screen cracked. Can you fix it?"
"Miss M I didn't want to go to the toilet in the rain at recess and lunch and now a little wee came out because I've been holding on for so long. What should I do?"
"Miss M I dropped my rice cup on the floor and I can't pick up all the grains. Does soy sauce stain?"
"When I was waiting for my sister to get ready this morning I put some of dad's smelly spray on my neck and I put some of his sticky gel in my hair. It was quite fun."
"Dressing up is fun, isn't it?"
"Yeah, whenever I go to my Grandma's, I always put on her bras and heels!"
After 4 years of university I thought I was ready to be a teacher, after graduation I had the certificate to prove it, after a job acceptance I was sure I was a teacher, after a child vomited on me today I accepted I am a teacher.
"Miss M I'm so tired!! 60% of the time I go to bed at 10pm, 50% of the time I try to go to bed at 9pm, but 30% of the time I stay awake until 11pm."
"Miss M did you just see that hot guy?"
"That shirtless guy we just passed that was mowing his lawn. He had tattoos all over his torso. I'm just telling you that he had lots of muscles and I know that's some peoples gizz. If you don't have a boyfriend he could become yours."
"Miss M, he just swore at me. He called me the g word!!!"
"Alright boys, come over here"..."exactly what did he say to you?"
[Through loud sobs]..."He said I was a big g...g...jerk!"
"Miss M you have such a big scar on your leg. You should reconsider today's choice of a skirt as it's not very pleasant to look at. I would recommend returning to your black trousers tomorrow."